7 posts tagged “jesus”
There is an aspect of being in full-time ministry that is very difficult for me to swallow sometimes. Being in full-time ministry is a lot about "giving"...your time and energy, your gifts and abilities, etc. However, being called to full-time ministry is also a lot about "receiving" and that's the part that gets me sometimes. I stumble over it because I don't always know how to do it gracefully. It's one thing to give and not expect receive anything in return, but it's an entirely different thing for me to receive and not be expected to give something in return. MAN, that's hard!! I am learning though, and certainly raising support to go to Germany has helped with that learning curve.
This weekend I was given a wonderful gift that I will cherish for a long time to come. On Sunday, I was invited to give a concert at Bethany Grace Fellowship Church in East Earl, PA, and because it was one of the last opportunities I would have to give such a concert before I leave for Germany, we decided to make this my "farewell concert". Tina Lapp joined me for half of it and I can't tell you how wonderful it was for me to sing with her again. She and I sang together for about 6 years after I graduated from college in 1998, and I have to tell you, I have missed those days. But what I have found to be true whenever Tina and I sing together is that even though we haven't sang for years, it's as though we can just pick right back up where we left off...it was like that all week during rehearsals and it was like that during the concert itself. I love it! The years of singing with Tina, the recordings, the traveling (and audio logs!) and the friendship are all precious, precious gifts that I will hold near and dear to my heart as I move into this next leg of my journey.
The chance to sing with Tina was not the only gift I received, though. There were so many people that gave so much to make this concert happen and I must take the time to give thanks and kudos to them for all that they put into this. My one regret about the concert is that I did not thank these people publicly for their time, energy and generosity. So I'm doing that now.
Several people who I didn't even know before this weekend, decided to take it upon themselves to begin planning the details and promoting this concert months in advance. Tess Eby, Emily Pierce, and Mary Kate Eberly all took part in making this happen, and I am SO grateful for their efforts because the promotional aspect of giving a concert is one that I have never quite been able to get the hang of. They did an incredible job!
Weeks before the concert I was told that Steven Courtney had agreed to record it for a possible LIVE album. For the past few years, Steven's and my paths have crossed a number of times and I have come to deeply appreciate this man, not only for his incredible skill in music, songwriting, recording and performing, but for his love of life and love of Jesus. He is an extremely gifted brother and I am so grateful for his gift of this recording.
Less than a week before the concert, I was informed that a young man and professional videographer, who I had never met before, had offered to video the whole concert. Daniel Forster came in with his crew Sunday afternoon and set up several cameras throughout the auditorium and a mixing station for live editing of the video feed during the concert. I have to admit that when I first heard that he was going to do this I was a bit freaked out, but when it finally came down to it, I barely even knew the cameras were there. He and his crew worked with such professionalism and skill and when I finally met him, I was so impressed by his heart and his desire to be used by God.
And of course, I cannot give kudos without mentioning my band mates. :) For the past two years, I've had the privilege of playing with Diana Lusk. She's a great percussionist and I can't tell you how many people come up to me after a concert and say "Boy, can she hit that thing!" It's true. She can. I've had such a blast with her these past few years and I think the thing that I've appreciated the most about Diana is the fact that she is on board with me on a ministry level. She's not just along to play her instrument, although she does that. She's along because she recognizes the ministry that the Lord has given us to encourage, challenge and plant truth in people's lives who are willing to receive it. That is what I love about her. Well, that and the fact that she usually packs my gear and loads the car after a gig while I'm talking to people. She has become a dear friend and I am really going to miss playing with her when I leave.
The truth is, I don't think this concert would have happened without the initiative of my bass player, Frank Portaro. From the moment I mentioned that I was thinking about giving a reunion concert with Tina, his wheels started turning and he began the process of pulling all these people together and booking his church for the event. I don't think it would have happened...at least not in the incredible way that it did...had it not been for Frank. In the past year of getting to know Frank I have found him to be not only a skilled musician who is excellent at what he does, but a man with a tender heart who loves of Jesus and has been changed deeply by His grace. It has been a privilege to work with him and minister beside him and I am going to miss playing with him as well. Of course, I can't thank Frank without thanking his wonderful wife, Nancy, who let us crash her living room for rehearsals and brought tasty wraps and chocolate for us to eat before the concert. What a blessing!
And for those of you who came out on Sunday, thank you for the years of support that you have given to both Tina and myself. Your interest in our music and encouragement along the way are gifts in and of themselves and we are truly, truly grateful (of course, I'm speaking for Tina here). The Lord has been so incredibly good...as if I would expect Him to be otherwise. In everything that was given...and received...my only prayer is that He was glorified in every last bit of it, because in the end HE is the great Giver of all things good.
My last few posts on here have been the videos that I've taken during my days of sorting through all my stuff with my friend, Michelle. A week from tomorrow, I will be having the yard sale of my life, and everything I own that I am not storing for sentimental reasons or taking with me to Germany will be displayed for all the world to see...and hopefully purchase. So until next week at this time, I will be up to my neck in boxes and decisions about what is really valuable enough to me to keep. It's been an interesting process--this sorting business. The last time I sorted through all my "stuff", most of it was charred or covered in ash from the fire that swept through my little apartment while I was in Germany in August of '06. As I sift through all my "stuff" again, two realizations come to mind.
First of all, I wonder how much more "stuff" I'd have to go through if that fire hadn't happened! Even two years ago, the Lord was already preparing me for this transition, and helping me to downsize in significant ways by essentially making some decisions for me about what needed to go and what I really didn't need.
Which leads me to the second realization. When this process is over, I will hopefully have eliminated over two-thirds of all that I've accumulated over the years. Granted, I'll be able to "re-stock" once I get over there, but for now, I will most likely be able to fit everything I own into a small SUV. :) The realization that I've had is simply the fact that there is really nothing...nothing...in this world, save the relationships that we have with each other and especially with Christ, Himself, that is not expendable.
Having said that, I will also say that that does not mean that going through all your stuff and getting rid of over two-thirds of it is an easy, emotionless task. It is not. In fact, in the past couple weeks of doing this I often find myself crying at the drop of a hat. My little apartment, which I've had for the past 9 1/2 years, which has seen me in roughest of places, which has heard the birth of numerous songs, which has been a haven for me, which I love, and which has been destroyed and restored much like my life, will no longer be mine. It will be simply a memory. And I'm not ashamed to say that I'm grieving a bit through this process. But with each tear that falls, comes the reminder...again...that it is worth it. That Jesus is worth it. That His calling on my life is real and I am committed to it. The truth is, the price I pay--the loss of a cozy little apartment in "small-town-America" and two-thirds of my "junk"--is NOTHING compared to what thousands of our brothers and sisters give up in a day's time around the world for the sake of Christ and Truth. My sacrifice is small in comparison.
HE IS RISEN!!!
It's been a while since I've sat down...since I've stopped long enough...to write a post. Sometimes it's easier to post videos about creativity or talk about broken cell phones than it is to, well, stop. Just stop...and be honest. So I'm stopping. And I'm gonna try to be honest because I think I need to be right now.
You know sometimes...ok, most times...I have this idea--a bird-brained idea, but an idea nonetheless--that because I'm in ministry, or because I've been called to go to Germany as a "missionary", or whatever, I've got to keep it all together, and maintain the façade that I've created, and not let on that anything is any different than it appears to the everyday observer. However, the reality is that (and some of you may need to brace yourselves for this one) I do NOT have it all together. You can lift your jaw off the floor now and continue reading.
The reality is that sometimes, I'm really afraid of this move to Germany. Sometimes, I think I don't have what it takes. Sometimes, I don't feel like I love God enough. Sometimes, I'd rather hide in my apartment than face people, and sometimes, I do. Sometimes, when I come home after a full day...week...month...of holiday festivities, as much as I love her, my cat just doesn't cut it for companionship. Sometimes, I'm just lonely. Sometimes, I think that maybe God picked the wrong person.
I'm ok with admitting these things. I think I need to (even at the risk of people thinking, "WHAT?! She doesn't have it all together?! And she's going to be a missionary?!"). Truth is, I'm a broken and fallen human being living in a broken and fallen world, and sometimes, sometimes just admitting that brings more freedom and gives more room to breathe and move forward. It keeps me connected to the reality that I am completely and utterly dependent on Him. It reminds me that I don't have what it takes. But He does, and that's why I need Him.
Well, I just got home from a very long, very full, but very good two weeks on the West Coast. I got to meet some incredible people along the way and view some amazing scenery.
I started out in Southern California at the Exodus Freedom Conference in Irvine, and then worked my way up the coast with a couple friends to do some gigs in Washington and Oregon. I have to say, we learned a lot about ourselves and our friendships on that trip! It's just good to know that you have relationships in your life that you can hash out the hard stuff with and still survive! :)
Before the trip up the coast, though, we were at the Exodus Freedom Conference in Irvine, CA. I'm so grateful for the oppotuntity to have been a part of this event. On the first night of the conference, I was asked by the conference staff if I would be willing to speak to the press that came to cover the conference. To say that I was nervous and a bit freaked out by this, would be a slight understatement, but in my heart I couldn't get past the fact that God has given me freedom and hope, and that I was being given another opportunity to share that with the world. So I agreed.
On Tuesday evening, I was interviewed by a FOX News affiliate, and then on Saturday morning, Ryan Pearson from the Associated Press chatted with me for a while. He even asked me if I would be willing to sing one of my songs! I just found the article/video of this interview HERE. The last interview was with a woman from a university in California. It seemed like she clearly had an agenda and I could sense her disapproval of my answers. However, in each interview, I simply prayed that the Lord Jesus would be clearly seen in my life and in the words that I spoke. I can't tell you how important those interviews were for me personally. I had no idea going into this conference that I would be doing that, but the Lord used those times to deepen my conviction and push me toward learning how to articulate it. I'm thankful that the Lord Jesus is giving me these opportunities to share the truth about His grace and forgiveness. I only pray that He always gives me courage to step into those places without fear for--His name's sake.
...as the God Who redeems.
Just wanted to share this with you. I've had the opportunity to be the featured Music Devo in November's issue of Youth Walk Magazine, a publication of Walk Thru the Bible. The name of the song is actually "Every Reason" and the release date of the album is not 2007, but that's ok. That's really not what's important about the article anyway. My prayer is that's God's redemption of our brokenness is communicated and received.
On that note, this morning I got to go into the Women's prison here in Lancaster to sing to a group of women and share my story. Being there with these women, many of whom have been or will be there for years, reminded me that one does not need physical walls to be in prison. The other day we talked about flying dreams over at Cheryl's. One of the reoccuring dreams that I have had in the past was that of being in prison and feeling the complete hopelessness and confinement of that place. Truth is, I've been in prison. Maybe not a physical prison with bars and walls, but I've been in an emotional prison that was just as real. I'm so thankful that Jesus came and rescued me from that place. I'm thankful that when I was there, He was sitting there with me--never leaving me alone there, but faithfully caring for me in that desperate place.
