9 posts tagged “god”
There is an aspect of being in full-time ministry that is very difficult for me to swallow sometimes. Being in full-time ministry is a lot about "giving"...your time and energy, your gifts and abilities, etc. However, being called to full-time ministry is also a lot about "receiving" and that's the part that gets me sometimes. I stumble over it because I don't always know how to do it gracefully. It's one thing to give and not expect receive anything in return, but it's an entirely different thing for me to receive and not be expected to give something in return. MAN, that's hard!! I am learning though, and certainly raising support to go to Germany has helped with that learning curve.
This weekend I was given a wonderful gift that I will cherish for a long time to come. On Sunday, I was invited to give a concert at Bethany Grace Fellowship Church in East Earl, PA, and because it was one of the last opportunities I would have to give such a concert before I leave for Germany, we decided to make this my "farewell concert". Tina Lapp joined me for half of it and I can't tell you how wonderful it was for me to sing with her again. She and I sang together for about 6 years after I graduated from college in 1998, and I have to tell you, I have missed those days. But what I have found to be true whenever Tina and I sing together is that even though we haven't sang for years, it's as though we can just pick right back up where we left off...it was like that all week during rehearsals and it was like that during the concert itself. I love it! The years of singing with Tina, the recordings, the traveling (and audio logs!) and the friendship are all precious, precious gifts that I will hold near and dear to my heart as I move into this next leg of my journey.
The chance to sing with Tina was not the only gift I received, though. There were so many people that gave so much to make this concert happen and I must take the time to give thanks and kudos to them for all that they put into this. My one regret about the concert is that I did not thank these people publicly for their time, energy and generosity. So I'm doing that now.
Several people who I didn't even know before this weekend, decided to take it upon themselves to begin planning the details and promoting this concert months in advance. Tess Eby, Emily Pierce, and Mary Kate Eberly all took part in making this happen, and I am SO grateful for their efforts because the promotional aspect of giving a concert is one that I have never quite been able to get the hang of. They did an incredible job!
Weeks before the concert I was told that Steven Courtney had agreed to record it for a possible LIVE album. For the past few years, Steven's and my paths have crossed a number of times and I have come to deeply appreciate this man, not only for his incredible skill in music, songwriting, recording and performing, but for his love of life and love of Jesus. He is an extremely gifted brother and I am so grateful for his gift of this recording.
Less than a week before the concert, I was informed that a young man and professional videographer, who I had never met before, had offered to video the whole concert. Daniel Forster came in with his crew Sunday afternoon and set up several cameras throughout the auditorium and a mixing station for live editing of the video feed during the concert. I have to admit that when I first heard that he was going to do this I was a bit freaked out, but when it finally came down to it, I barely even knew the cameras were there. He and his crew worked with such professionalism and skill and when I finally met him, I was so impressed by his heart and his desire to be used by God.
And of course, I cannot give kudos without mentioning my band mates. :) For the past two years, I've had the privilege of playing with Diana Lusk. She's a great percussionist and I can't tell you how many people come up to me after a concert and say "Boy, can she hit that thing!" It's true. She can. I've had such a blast with her these past few years and I think the thing that I've appreciated the most about Diana is the fact that she is on board with me on a ministry level. She's not just along to play her instrument, although she does that. She's along because she recognizes the ministry that the Lord has given us to encourage, challenge and plant truth in people's lives who are willing to receive it. That is what I love about her. Well, that and the fact that she usually packs my gear and loads the car after a gig while I'm talking to people. She has become a dear friend and I am really going to miss playing with her when I leave.
The truth is, I don't think this concert would have happened without the initiative of my bass player, Frank Portaro. From the moment I mentioned that I was thinking about giving a reunion concert with Tina, his wheels started turning and he began the process of pulling all these people together and booking his church for the event. I don't think it would have happened...at least not in the incredible way that it did...had it not been for Frank. In the past year of getting to know Frank I have found him to be not only a skilled musician who is excellent at what he does, but a man with a tender heart who loves of Jesus and has been changed deeply by His grace. It has been a privilege to work with him and minister beside him and I am going to miss playing with him as well. Of course, I can't thank Frank without thanking his wonderful wife, Nancy, who let us crash her living room for rehearsals and brought tasty wraps and chocolate for us to eat before the concert. What a blessing!
And for those of you who came out on Sunday, thank you for the years of support that you have given to both Tina and myself. Your interest in our music and encouragement along the way are gifts in and of themselves and we are truly, truly grateful (of course, I'm speaking for Tina here). The Lord has been so incredibly good...as if I would expect Him to be otherwise. In everything that was given...and received...my only prayer is that He was glorified in every last bit of it, because in the end HE is the great Giver of all things good.
It's been a while since I've sat down...since I've stopped long enough...to write a post. Sometimes it's easier to post videos about creativity or talk about broken cell phones than it is to, well, stop. Just stop...and be honest. So I'm stopping. And I'm gonna try to be honest because I think I need to be right now.
You know sometimes...ok, most times...I have this idea--a bird-brained idea, but an idea nonetheless--that because I'm in ministry, or because I've been called to go to Germany as a "missionary", or whatever, I've got to keep it all together, and maintain the façade that I've created, and not let on that anything is any different than it appears to the everyday observer. However, the reality is that (and some of you may need to brace yourselves for this one) I do NOT have it all together. You can lift your jaw off the floor now and continue reading.
The reality is that sometimes, I'm really afraid of this move to Germany. Sometimes, I think I don't have what it takes. Sometimes, I don't feel like I love God enough. Sometimes, I'd rather hide in my apartment than face people, and sometimes, I do. Sometimes, when I come home after a full day...week...month...of holiday festivities, as much as I love her, my cat just doesn't cut it for companionship. Sometimes, I'm just lonely. Sometimes, I think that maybe God picked the wrong person.
I'm ok with admitting these things. I think I need to (even at the risk of people thinking, "WHAT?! She doesn't have it all together?! And she's going to be a missionary?!"). Truth is, I'm a broken and fallen human being living in a broken and fallen world, and sometimes, sometimes just admitting that brings more freedom and gives more room to breathe and move forward. It keeps me connected to the reality that I am completely and utterly dependent on Him. It reminds me that I don't have what it takes. But He does, and that's why I need Him.
Well, this is typical. Tomorrow I'm leaving on a trip to California, it's almost midnight, and I haven't packed yet.
"Then why are you sitting at the computer writing a blog?", you ask?
I really wish you hadn't asked. I don't have a good answer, other than: "Avoiding the inevitable." You'd think that by now, after all the travelling I do, I'd have this packing thing down to a science. I don't. It usually comes down to me waiting til the last minute and then overpacking because I'm just throwing a bunch o' stuff in a suitcase with the hopes that I'm not forgetting anything. Then I usually end up having to make a pit stop at a local CVS because I did.
I forget a lot.
I've had people say to me after a concert, "It wouldn't be a real Mindy Boyd concert if you didn't forget the lyrics at least once." I'm not proud of that. Especially when it's my own song that I'm forgetting. I forget people's birthdays all the time. And people's names?...let's not even go there. Last week I forgot to drive the speed limit. Twice. Now I have a sign on my dashboard by the spedometer that reads "SLOW DOWN". I'm trying.
I hate that I forget things--the little things, the big things. The toothbrushes, the birthdays. But what I hate the most, is that sometimes I forget the important, significant things. Like where I've been, and what the Lord has delivered me from. Sometimes I get so caught up in what I'm doing now, and what needs to be done--and remembered--in the everyday, that I forget about what the Lord has done in my life. And what inevitably happens is that I start becoming disillusioned and discouraged, which then leads to despair and depression. All because I forgot. But I'm not the only one. A good friend recently brought Psalm 78 to my attention. It's basically an account of all the miraculous things the Lord did for the Israelites when He delivered them from Egypt. But check this out:
"The warriors of Ephraim, though fully armed, turned their backs and fled when the day of battle came. They did not keep God's covenant and they refused to live by his law. They forgot what he had done--the wonderful miracles he had shown them." vv. 9-11 NLT (emphasis mine).
They forgot. They forgot about all the people who died in Egypt simply because they happened to be born first in their family. They forgot what the dry ground felt like on their feet as they walked between two walls of water. They forgot what it was like to wake up in the morning after it had rained...bread! They forgot. And on the day of battle, though they were equipped with everything they needed for the fight, they turned back. They had forgotten what He had done.
Oh man! This is me! That's exactly what happens when I forget. I'm fully equipped for whatever it is that the Lord has placed in front of me, but I shrink back, pull away, close up, and stand still. This is where I've been so many times in the past, and this is where I've been in the past couple months. But do you know what He does more often than not when I'm in this place? He says, "Mindy, it's time for you to share your testimony again because I want people to know what incredible things I've done in your life. And because I want you to remember."
Several weeks ago, I got an email telling me that I was chosen to give my testimony at one of the general sessions at the Exodus Freedom Conference in Irvine, CA. The timing of that email couldn't have been worse (from my perspective), because giving my testimony was the last thing I wanted to do at that time. However, I was challenged with the truth that the despair I have felt recently in my life does not change what God did for me in the past. That's why Asaph wrote Psalm 78. That's why the Israelites were commanded to pass on these accounts to their children and their children's children...
"So each generation can set its hope anew on God, remembering his glorious miracles and obeying his commands." v7.
I am overwhelmed, grateful, a bit freaked out, and extremely honored to be given the opportunity to share what God has no less than miraculously done in my life at this year's conference. Preparing for it has forced me to recall my past experiences and has helped me to remember God's deep love and never-ending faithfulness to this prodigal daughter of His, and how He rescued me from that pit.
Would really appreciate your prayers for this one.
Now, let's hope I can remember my toothbrush!
This week I'm playing the "Let's-see-how-much-I-can-fit-into-one-week" Game, so I've been dying to post this sooner, but it has been absolutely nuts around here. Anyway, if you haven't read my previous post about what happened to my guitar this week, then you should go ahead and do that now before reading further. It will help you with the significance of this post.
So, as you guys know, I was rehearsing on Wednesday night for a conference that I'm leading worship for this weekend, when I discovered the hole in the back of my guitar. Completely distraught, I gently placed the guitar on the floor in front of me and stared at it for a while in the fetal position. Then I came home and immediately began blogging, posting, emailing, calling and texting people about it. So much drama! The next morning, I woke up and checked my email, blog, posts, phone, etc. for any responses about the "tragedy" and continued to stress over it. Later that morning, I was scheduled to have breakfast with a friend of mine from church, so I got in my car and headed over to the bagel shop where we planned to meet. It's only about 5-7 minutes from my apartment, but as I was driving, I decided to turn off the radio and when I did, immediately the Lord said, "Uh, Mindy? Hello. Talk to Me." And at that moment, I realized that I had never even once mentioned this situation to the Lord. So, after confessing my utter self-sufficiency to Him, I proceeded to say, "Lord, You have given this guitar to me, and You know that in the ministry that You have called me to at this point, I need a guitar. I don't know what's going to happen with mine, but I'm going to trust You with it, and believe that You want to take care of me."
Two minutes later, I arrived at the bagel shop and my friend asked me how my day was going. "WELL! Let me just tell you!" So I pulled out my computer and proceeded to tell her about the guitar and show her pictures. As I was doing that, I noticed that I had a private message in my inbox from Indieheaven. It was from another artist that I met last weekend in Nashville at the Indieheaven conference. She had read the message that I'd posted on the IH message boards and sent me this:
I have a Martin D16 Special Edition, and God has been leaning HARD on me to give it away. I have been reluctant until now.
Mindy...It's yours...just tell me where to ship it.
It needs a pick up, but it's a great guitar.
I love you, girl, and I am so sorry about your guitar.
Autumn
At this point, tears are streaming down my face because I am blown away by the fact that God, being so tender and so attentive, would care that much to answer me so personally...and quickly...and that He even heard me in the first place!! I imagined that He had a big grin on His face as He watched it all unfold. But then, He already knew how it
would unfold years ago. He knew I would have this need and even THEN began stirring the idea in Autumn's heart
that she would give this guitar away. Here's the catch though: I have a hard time with the whole receiveing thing. I know there's a TON that's connected to that on so many different levels, and it's something that God has been dealing with me about for a long time now...and apparently, continues to do so. So, I called her and we talked at length about what God was doing, and both agreed that it came down to simply being obedient. She was being obedient to give it, and I am having to be obedient to receive it.
I took my guitar up to the Martin factory that afternoon and had them look at it. Unfortunately, to have it restored back to it's previous condition would cost more than the guitar is worth. But he told me that he could fix it to make it playable, but that would cost money as well, so he was gonna tell me how I could fix it myself and save myself some money. "Take some glue..." :::cringe::: "...and squeeze it in here, then wipe off the excess, put a clamp on the guitar and let it dry for a couple days." :::sigh::: When I asked him about the hole, he said, "Well there's nothing you can do about that. They've got brown duct tape now! You can just cover it with that and paint a little black strip on it if you like." :::SIGH::: It was painful to hear. However, my first thought was, "I need to tell Autumn that it's fixable...that I can still play it...that I don't really NEED the guitar now!" But as I spoke with her, it was clear that God was saying, "Mindy, I want you to have this guitar. I want you to be obedient."
Isn't that just like me to say, "But wait a second, God...look, I can fix my brokenness. I can cover it up and it'll look just fine. No one will even know." But the brokenness is still there, and so He instead says, "Mindy, I want to make you brand new. I want to give you a new life that will completely replace the old. Take it, Mindy. It's yours."
I'm floored by God's tenderness toward me, but I'm so thankful. I'm thankful that He heard me, and cared. I'm thankful that Autumn heard Him and obeyed. I'm thankful that I am hearing Him and learning. Learning to trust. Learning to receive. Learning to just simply obey.
**********
So of course, I'm going to be taking this opportunity to plug Autumn Calvert and her music!!!!! This woman is the real deal!!! I love reading her posts on IH because she is just genuine to the core...and her music is testimony to that! So, if you have a couple minutes, swing by her Indieheaven page and check her out!
First of all, I must say this...why God would chose me--for any reason--blows my mind. That He chose to redeem me is one thing--a great thing--but He could have stopped there. Instead, every day He chooses to move in my life in sometimes subtle, sometimes very obvious ways; and instead of stopping there, He chooses to use the ways that He's moved in my life to introduce others to that same love that changed me so deeply. But why me? Why this struggling, FAR-from-having-it-all-together, broken vessel? For whatever reason, He just does. And that blows my mind.
Last night was an interesting night. To be honest, I can't really put my finger on what it was, but as Debbie & I debriefed about it afterward, we agreed that there was a definite spiritual battle taking place in that hall. About 200 or so people came. The last time I did this in October, it seemed as though it was mainly people from the church that came, but this time Craig thinks that probably about 75% were not believers. Many students came from the school we visited the other day. Others came from the English group, Tafel (a food distribrution service to the poor that takes place at the Hoffnung Zentrum), Leipzig, and Isabel's English class. Martina was there, and even Jana ("yah-na"), C&D's former German tutor and professing atheist who broke contact with them for the past year or so, came with her boyfriend. It was great to see her again. I met her a couple years ago, but never was able to reconnect since she stopped contacting C&D. It's exciting to see prayers being answered in such a tangible way.
From the beginning of the soundcheck I was having problems with the sound. I couldn't hear myself very well and that never really resolved. Bad sound is such a distraction for me and I had to really concentrate on just singing the songs and trusting that I was being heard (I was told it sounded fine from the audience). Either way, Isabel's mic sounded fine, and since she was the one speaking German, that was the most important. I was able to talk openly about my relationship with God and why these songs are important to me. It also gave me the opportunity to tell them that God desires relationship with everyone and that that is possible only through Jesus Christ. At one point last night, I was struck with this thought: what are the chances that I would be standing on a stage in former East Germany sharing the Gospel with people who came to hear me sing? I somehow can't fully get my mind around that thought, but I suppose it just goes to show how creative God is in using His people. There are no impossibilies. Thanks so much for praying for me yesterday. You all are just as much a part of what's happening here as I am, and I can't thank you enough.
Today, we're heading out to spend the day in Wittenberg, the town where Martin Luther preached and nailed his 95 Theses to the door of the Castle Church. It's a beautiful spring day here in Germany and it will be good to just walk around and enjoy the sights!
***Update with photos:
I actually didn't take too many photos because I got sick and ended up going back and sleeping in the car for a couple hours. Here are a couple that I did take...
Well, it's no secret that I absolutely adore my nephews. It's so much fun to watch them grow and learn and discover, and to be a small part of it sometimes. I'm so stinking proud of my brother and sister-in-law because I think they're doing a fantastic job of investing in their lives. And I must say, Aunt Dana is a super-duper aunt! :)
We're all very excited about the new baby coming in May. Recently at one of my gigs, they showed up with the boys after having just been to the doctor for the most recent ultrasound. I knew they wanted to find out the gender of the baby, so I was anxious to hear the news. When they got there, I was taking a break and both boys ran across the room and threw their arms around me. (What a great feeling that is!) So, I knelt down and gave them both a big hug, then I looked at "L", the oldest (4), and asked, "So are you gonna have brother or a sister?"
Have you ever known a child at this age to suddenly realize that they have infomation you want, and decide that they don't want to give it up? Yup. He wasn't about to tell me, and since "J", the younger (1.5), isn't really talking yet, it was a lost cause. But my break was over, so I was gonna have to wait. I went back on stage and continued my set, but I was completely caught up in watching the boys climb onto Dana's lap, and then run over to look at the pastries on display, and then stop and stare at me on stage with a somewhat confused/intrigued look (they don't often see me in this capacity). Finally, it was time for them to leave and I was still singing. L approached the stage because he wanted to say goodbye, so when I finished the song, I motioned for him to come up. He ran up onto the stage and as I pulled my guitar to the side, I gave him as big of a hug as I could with one arm. Then I held him close and whispered, "So, is it a boy or a girl?" He looked sheepishly out at the audience then back at me and said, "It's a bo..a girl." Another quick hug and he was off.
A GIRL! I'm thrilled. Of course, I would have been just as thrilled had he told me it was a boy, but this is a different kind of "thrilled", I suppose. I think what I'm most looking forward to, is watching my brother with a little girl. He adores his sons. I see it in his eyes and the way he looks at them, and in the tender ways that he responds to them. But I can't imagine what he will be like with a little girl. I have learned much about the Father by observing my brother's relationship with his sons. L is in that stage right now where Dad is the hero. A last week, we were all having dinner at my parents' place, and the whole night he just wanted to be near Tom (my bro) at all times. When he finally finished his meal, he got down off his seat and walked around to Tom and climbed up on his lap. As he snuggled his head into my brother's chest, he said, "Daddy, can I just love you as much as I can?" Instantly, I stopped chewing the food in my mouth and with tears welling up in my eyes, I just stared at this tender moment. Tom just wrapped him up in his arms and held him tight. "You sure can, buddy."
It took a couple days for all that to sink in on a deeper level for me. I was driving to Pittsburgh to sing at a conference and on the way out I was trying to pray...things like, "God, where have You been?", "What am I doing?", "Why can't I hear You?", "What is going on with me?", "Why don't I love you the way that I should?" Then all of a sudden out of my mouth came the word, "Daddy..." I'm not sure where it came from, but there it was, all out in the open...
...and I cried.
I've heard people call God "Daddy" before, and I always cringe when I hear it. It sounds contrived, irreverent...silly even. But here I was, calling Him "Daddy"...unintentionally...longingly. Then all of a sudden I realized that that tender moment between my brother and his son was just as much for me as it was for them. And I heard myself saying those same words, although with slightly different meaning:
"Daddy, can I just love you as much as I can? It doesn't seem like much right now, but it's where I am."
"You sure can, Mindy. That's all I expect. But remember, My love for you is not dependent upon your love for me. My love for you...just IS."
:::sigh:::
I can't wait to see my brother with a little girl.
I always forget how ridiculously HUGE this country is until I have to drive across it! I just arrived in Mississippi last night after driving for two days and 1,200 miles. I'm glad I have friends along the way with whom I can stay, otherwise, I couldn't do it. (Thanks, Faithy! :)) When I was going to college in South Carolina, I remember popping home to Pennsylvania for a weekend--not often, mind you, but I remember doing it and thinking nothing of it. By the time I got halfway through Virginia, I was thinking, "Wow, my back hurts. My neck is stiff. My butt is SORE!" It's amazing what 10 years can do. Now, I'm not complaining. I'm merely making an observation.
Well, I've had several people at home ask me to keep them posted on my travels (Hi, Mom!) so I thought it would just be easier to let them know about my blog and have them check back here when they are wondering what's going on with me. So, my public posts over the next couple weeks will be geared along those lines. Who knows, perhaps they will come, experience this wonderful Vox neighborhood and not be able to leave!! :)
Anyway, I'm in Mississippi this week because I have several places down here that wanted me to come play, and since I was down this way, I went ahead and tried to book some other stuff along the way in Alabama, Georgia, South Carolina and now Virginia. (Thanks, ragamuffin! :)) I got in last night around 10:45 pm and had to get up at 6 a.m. in order to be at Mt. Salus Christian School in Clinton. Nothing like having to sing at 8 o'clock in the morning after a long drive the night before! God is gracious though, and I think it went well. I so much love being able to meet new people and finding points of connection with them. My desire is that God would use me to encourage and build up the Body of Christ, but so often I feel like I'm the one who walks away encouraged by Him. There's a line in a Sara Groves song that says, "I can't remember a trial or a pain He did not recycle to bring me gain." I love that line, because He does recycle my pain to bring me gain, and hopefully for others' gain as well, but ultimately may it be for His.
Tomorrow I'll just be hangin' with my good friends Michelle and Andrew here at Twin Lakes Camp in Florence, MS. It's a beautiful facility and I'm looking forward to spending some time walking around the lake and preparing for the upcoming weeks. Please pray for this time of connecting. I need it. Sunday I'll be giving a concert at a church outside Jackson, and then on Monday I'm heading up to French Camp Academy in French Camp, MS for a few days. I spent a week there last year was a great opportunity to just hang out with the students and get to know them a bit.
I'll try to keep "y'all" posted as the days progress. Thank you so much for your prayers. I could not do this if I thought there was no one behind me praying. You are vital and I don't take that lightly. Thank you.
